Day 7. I got news today that my grandmother is going into hospice care. I’ve known that this was coming, but that still isn’t enough to prepare me for what is coming.

I tried to distract myself tonight, and I was able to enjoy myself in the midst of my good friends and family. They care a lot for me. Though I can’t stop the thought of losing my grandma from creeping back into my head. I’m restless. I don’t want it to happen, but I can’t see her in pain anymore. It’s so hard to let go…

I feel guilty for enjoying myself this weekend. I feel like I should be with my father, caring for him and my grandpa during this time. Am I doing enough? Why is this happening now? I can’t handle it. I want to break down and cry, but I have to stay strong for the rest of my family.

Should I keep trying to distract myself? Or should I bear the pain and meet it head on? I don’t know what to do.

I just don’t want to lose her. And I don’t want to know what happens next.

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