Being alone is hard, even for someone like me who likes to be on my own. I can see why people get together with others who aren’t even worth it, just so they won’t have to be alone. It’s a coping mechanism, a way for them to not have to face being alone with themselves. It is clearly harder for some people to be alone than it is for others, but nonetheless still difficult.

I want so badly to find someone that is worth my time, but I’m still so very afraid of actually being with someone. It’s a vicious cycle. What if a good person comes along? What do I do???

I’m pretty decent at avoiding people. I’m very straightforward about my lack of intention to be with anyone. There are no mutual feelings between myself and others. I won’t allow there to be.

So why do I still want the attention of others? If I know I don’t want to be with them, why would I still want their attention on me?

I’m a thief. I steal their time and their thoughts. Some may even give me their emotions. It’s not right. I know it isn’t. But deep down I don’t want to be alone.

I’m conflicted. How do I fight this?