Enter pre-birthday celebration. All fun and games. Nice time with friends and family.

Enter my past to complicate my birthfay celebration. Why is he here and why would God bring him back into my life? What do I do?

Old me would have quickly fallen back into his charm. New me? Still did a bit, but not in the way I thought I would. I just needed answers. I had so many questions. So we talked and straightened things out. No affection from me at all. I don’t feel a thing anymore except for sorrow for him. His situation is so sad. And that could’ve been me.

So many times we wonder why God wouldn’t let us be with the person we found so perfect and rarely are we ever allowed to see why. I was shown why. God was watching out for me… keeping me for something greater. Someone better.

Maybe as an outcome from engaging in conversation with him I ended up sick and in the emergency clinic. But again, God was watching out for me. The doctors found nothing wrong. I am still in pain, but so grateful for being healthy. I’m just amazed at God.

No matter what we do, how far lost we get, how many times we turn away from him, how often we deny him, the things we do to make us feel unworthy of his love… He still loves us so deeply. He calls for us. He wants us happy and healthy and full of life. How can we turn him away?

God is my top priority right now. Even though work is stressful and starts again tomorrow, I am trying to trust him more and not worry. Nothing good comes from worrying. It doesn’t help. But trusting in God and knowing that things will work out does give me a calming sensation that nothing else can take away.

Until tomorrow… I will sleep and hope to dream of my TRUE forever and ever. Whoever he may be. I will pray for him and for his health and happiness. And I will focus on God and allow him to take me where ever I’m meant to go and use me as a vessel of his love.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new chance for me to share my love with a new set of children. Time to rest.

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