Days 76-78. I had to get out of town to relax and refresh my mind. Work has me crazy beyond belief. I’m emotionally stressed and finally broke down Friday after holding it together all week.

I’m so tired.

But, I did finally have a chance to come and visit my dad and grandpa. It has been almost a year since dad moved in with grandpa to care for him. Over the course of these months, I have finally realized what people with no father’s must feel daily. It’s difficult. Only I think it’s worse for people who were once so close to their dad’s to then go from seeing them everyday to maybe once a month, twice if you’re lucky. I hate having to resort to texting my father “goodnight” or “good morning” when I was once able to give him a peck on the cheek and tell him “see ya later” instead.

I miss little things such as drinking a cup of coffee with him, or dancing outside to new music he’s discovered. It makes me cry.

Yet one thing that has come of this experience is me being more appreciative of the things I have in life. Of knowing that everything doesn’t last forever and I should appreciate small moments that may seem irrelevant to others, but have such an impact on the mind and heart that they are nearly impossible to ignore.

I love my father. I love his quirkiness. I love his tendencies to ask me to make the weirdest foods/deserts. I love that he loves coffee as much as me. I love how he will always be up for getting ice cream with me, even if it’s at 10 in the evening. I love his laugh. I love his serious tone of voice. I even love his snore when he falls asleep on the recliner.

He is the person that has molded me into the human I am now. He has impacted me to the point where I am not afraid to be myself and I will never be too shy to speak my mind. He doesn’t know the word “embarrassment” and always thinks that honesty is essential.

I am my father’s daughter. I am quirky. I am too loud at times. I never let people leave my presence without expressing my true thoughts. I have a voice because of my father. I have a personality because of my father. I have love because of my father.

Even if he isn’t always with me physically, I carry him in my heart and soul everywhere I go.

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