Days 103-106. I am on a spiritual encounter to find Christ. AKA I’m on a retreat. It was hard coming and leaving work behind. It was difficult finishing all things I had to do to get ready just to come in general.

Yesterday was very stressful and it feels as though I have lived 2 days in one since then, as though yesterday happened last week. I had so many things on my to do list and despite needing to arrive early to work, I still stopped to buy my coworkers breakfast to treat them that morning. As I parked and waited for my food to be delivered to me, I stared at the clock and new I’d be late. When I finally got the food, I began to reverse in order to get out of the parking lot, however the car behind me continued to go forward despite seeing me moving. Left with limited space, I ended up backing into a pole. I tried to shake it off and speed to work to make it on time, but I was more rushed trying to carry everything in even though I asked for help and nobody came down to assist. To top it off, the breakfast I purchased for myself wasn’t even in the bag. Furthermore, as I took a sip of my coffee which I really needed that day, I realized it tasted nasty and wasn’t drinkable.

This was all before the hour of 8 a.m.

So many more things happened throughout the day to make my life more inconvenient. I gave up on positivity; I just wanted to leave for the day. I was thoroughly exhausted and I arrived to my weekend retreat with that feeling.

I came to experience God in a way i dont normally do, but all I have done is fall asleep. I am too tired to focus. Every movement is tiring. My body aches. My nerve pain has returned and is keeping me watching every movement.

I know God is here though. I know he is with me and within me. My plan this weekend is to feel him, even if for a brief moment. No expectations, just hope.

I will update more as the weekend progresses.

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