Days 149-152. I’ve had so much trouble getting myself to write lately. I don’t know where I’m at. I guess I can start with this week, maybe?

This week was _______________.

No idea what I should fill in the blank with.

Long? Crappy? Rough? Terrible?

All of the above?

I hate everything at the moment. The only good thing going on is my boyfriend. But I’ve had so many troubles with that already I almost want to give it up.

My family life is crap. I don’t even have a family. Just me and my mom, and even she turns away from me sometimes. Especially now knowing about my boyfriend and her disapproval of his religion.

My brothers only worry about their own lives. I could die and they probably wouldn’t find out on their own until next month; that’s how rare it is that they talk to me.

My dad decided this week that he doesn’t have to deal with his issues or with our family so he will just run away instead of resolving things. Which is what he did at 11 pm the night before Thanksgiving.

I spent the entire Thanksgiving day laying in my bed, crying on and off about my life and how much I have grown to dislike the holidays.

I used to love the holidays. I loved the season. I loved how my family would unite and spend the day together talking and laughing. Now, we don’t even see each other. And when we do talk, it’s mostly arguments and judgements placed upon each other.

I don’t ever want to compare, but I see other families and their ability to talk and be around each other all day and not argue or fight and I wonder why we can’t be the same. Why can’t we be normal and sane?

Maybe one day I will have a family of my own and I will be able to unite us all together. Maybe not.

Until then I will try not to take for granted all the blessings I have, whether appreciated or not.

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