Days 166-168. Grandpa is in heaven now.

He passed away the night dad told us about his decision to stop treatment. I somehow always knew this would happen, but I didn’t think it would happen in the manner that it did.

When I woke up Thursday morning, I knew. I felt it in my heart before my parents came in and told me. My heart is broken; it has been since that day.

I don’t want to accept it, but I know I have to. I know he is with grandma and they aren’t suffering anymore. I am consoled by this knowledge. But I still miss him. I always will.

I can’t express this grief. There aren’t any words I could use to explain my emotions.

How do I describe the look in his eyes when he saw me after several weeks, and the smile that appeared when I walked up to give him a hug?

How can I put into words the glance and wink he would give me when he was being mischievous and up to no good?

How can I write about the way his hair stood up in several directions, even after me and him both continuously trying to flatten it down?

I miss him in a way that only my heart can yearn for. I won’t ever stop. I’ll never forget him. He is in me and I’ll carry him everywhere I go.

I am my grandfather’s granddaughter.

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