Days 179-199. 20 days is the longest I’ve ever gone without writing. So much has happened; I’m just not sure why I chose not to write about it.

Maybe I’m lazy. Maybe I’m overworked and tired. Maybe I’m still in a state of depression following the deaths of my grandparents. Maybe… I just didn’t want to write.

But now I do.

I’ve experienced a lot of love and a lot of change over the last month. I’ve required myself to partake in experiences that I would normally never be a part of due to fear or anxiety. I’ve pushed myself to feel and see lpve in all relationships, even when all I want to do is run and hide or push people away. I’ve consumed good food and coffee with relish and didn’t feel guilty about it (just extremely full). And I’ve seen God’s work in all aspects of life, even though I’m still working on the communication part.

I am alive in every sense of the word and feeling. I never want to be asleep in the world again.

I vow to push myself this year, out of my comfort zone, to do what is right without without fear, to no longer be silent and speak what is on my mind, and to treat myself better (emotionally and physically).

I want to be so intimate with God that I can feel his breath upon me.

I have a lot of work to do.

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