Archives for posts with tag: Decisions

I can’t hear rain fall without thinking of the hurricane. I have flashbacks to all that occurred in those weeks… and the fact that we at my campus are still living in the aftermath is rough. I can’t rest. I can’t move on. I am still healing and trying to make it through, but it’s not easy.

I have been able to talk myself into getting up and going to work with a positive mindset, even when I don’t want to. Then today happens. I get in my car, having already pep talked myself into feigning happiness, and I hear the news about Vegas. I hear about how many people are dead and injured. I hear all the stories of people who survived the attack and my heart breaks.

I check with my family to make sure they are safe, then I pray.

I don’t understand. But I also don’t believe our human brain is made to comprehend these instances. We are made to react and our first reaction is what makes us who we are. We are defined by those actions.

Will we go out and help or will we deny that anything is wrong and place the blame on God?

I read something that seriously angered me today. It was a comic of a girl asking a boy “Why would God allow this?” and the guy responds, “because God doesn’t exist so focus on reality and fix your gun laws.” Part of that statement is correct; yes, we need to correct our gun laws, but the fact that people honestly believe because of all the tragedy occurring that a good God does not exist is unfathomable to me.

Why can’t anyone own up to the fact that we are the ones responsible for our actions? People make choices everyday. It doesn’t matter how small or insignificant they may seem… sometimes all it takes for someone to lose faith or revolt against others is something “small and insignificant.”

I vow to try my best to love others, even when they don’t deserve it. I vow to be kind to others, even when they make me mad. I vow to be patient with others, even when they are driving me crazy. And I vow to say at least one thoughtful and kind thing to those who cross my path each day, even if I don’t know them well.

The world needs so much love… soooo much love. Will we contribute to making the world a better place for those who follow us, or will we simply let it be the same as it continues to be?

Life is full of choices. We simply need to make the choices that will lead us to be better people.

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Days 92-94. God is so good. If those words could be believed by everyone, all issues would be solved. We would all be healed. We would all feel loved. Nobody would be lonely…

I went to Encounter this weekend and I left different completely changed. I am not the same person I once was and I am so proud of that! I don’t understand why anyone would ever want to stay the same their entire life. It’s okay to change. It’s okay to move on from others and realize that common interests are no longer similar. That is all okay!! But we sometimes get scared that our change will not be accepted by others or liked by those around us so we hide it. We fake our feelings, interactions, likes, attitude, even our emotions to please others who DON’T even matter half the time or even stay in contact with us. So why do we care? Why do we need their approval?

Shouldn’t we be trying to seek the approval of God instead? Isn’t that the only person we should ever try to impress? So why don’t we? Why is it so hard for others to believe in the existence of the greatest thing, simply because they don’t want to fathom having to follow “rules” or beliefs that contradict their lifestyle? How could anyone not care enough about their own soul that they wouldn’t want to do anything to help themselves?

I can’t stop caring. I can’t deny God’s presence in my life and within my heart. He entered my heart this weekend and made a home there with no plans to leave. I AM changed. I will continue to change! And I’m okay with that. Everyone else needs to be too.

Days 35-36. Dad left today. Seven months later and it took me until now to realize how much it hurts me that I don’t get to see him everyday. I miss his sense of humor, his scent, his willingness to put himself out there even if others will think he’s strange, his bluntness, his random hugs and kisses, his declarations of love to my mother, and the list goes on.

I know I want him here out of my own selfish desire, but it’s just so difficult going from him being a constant in my days to barely seeing him at all. I wish things were different, but I will continue to push on and try to remain strong.

We had prayer night tonight and it occurred to me that God has been talking to me all along while I have been sitting here waiting for “signs” and other means of communication from him. We sat in silence for 15 minutes and it was a challenge trying to get my brain to stop working and allow me to hear God’s voice. But still he was there in my struggles, talking to me, acknowledging my efforts in trying to hear him.

Sometimes God doesn’t say much. Sometimes, all he does is point out your distractions. All the things that are keeping you from getting closer to him.

I have been frustrated trying to navigate through this chapter in life. Hoping to understand why God allowed things to happen in my family and have my dad pulled away.  Begging him to make everything okay when things feel like they are crashing down.

Navigating through life is like sailing with no map and no concept of where you might be. But Jesus says he is the way, the truth, and the life. He knows the plan already. He knows how everything is going to turn out. We just need to believe that everything is going to work for his glory and our benefit, no matter the circumstance.

Yes, the situation my family has been placed in is unfortunate, but I will not give up hope and I will not stop praising God through this storm.