Archives for posts with tag: Love

Days 228-251. Life is crazy. All I want to do is write, but I never have the time. So much has gone on I don’t even know where to begin.

What I do know is that I’ve encountered God in a way I’ve never known. He is within me. Within!!! Isn’t that so powerful?

He is in all that I do and I get to share his love with others. I just cannot fathom the amount of love he has for me. For us.

I don’t think anyone ever looks around at others who are so different from them and remember that God loves them too. God loves our enemies and they are his children who are also invited to sit at his table in heaven.

That, my friends, is powerful.

I don’t always want to love others. I don’t always want to love myself. I don’t always want to love my boyfriend. But I do because God loves me. He loved me first and he isn’t finished loving me yet.

I immersed myself into silence over the weekend and sat with God while be embraced me and showed me just how much he loves me. He will never leave me or abandon me because he is within me. There is no escaping his love.

This is something that should be celebrated. Love should always be celebrated! There should never be a moment where you fail to say that you love them. Never.


Days 179-199. 20 days is the longest I’ve ever gone without writing. So much has happened; I’m just not sure why I chose not to write about it.

Maybe I’m lazy. Maybe I’m overworked and tired. Maybe I’m still in a state of depression following the deaths of my grandparents. Maybe… I just didn’t want to write.

But now I do.

I’ve experienced a lot of love and a lot of change over the last month. I’ve required myself to partake in experiences that I would normally never be a part of due to fear or anxiety. I’ve pushed myself to feel and see lpve in all relationships, even when all I want to do is run and hide or push people away. I’ve consumed good food and coffee with relish and didn’t feel guilty about it (just extremely full). And I’ve seen God’s work in all aspects of life, even though I’m still working on the communication part.

I am alive in every sense of the word and feeling. I never want to be asleep in the world again.

I vow to push myself this year, out of my comfort zone, to do what is right without without fear, to no longer be silent and speak what is on my mind, and to treat myself better (emotionally and physically).

I want to be so intimate with God that I can feel his breath upon me.

I have a lot of work to do.

Days 173-174. If you love someone, those three words are enough.

I’ve often been caught wishing I could find a way to express my emotions of extreme love. As though saying “I love you” is not enough. I want the person to feel it more and really know my thoughts about them.

But it is enough.

We downplay the word “love” by using it with insignificant things that shouldn’t be deserving of the word.

“I just love this shirt!”

“I love pizza!”

“I love coffee more than anything in the world.”

Those material possessions and basic items should never be placed in the same category as your loved ones or significant other.

How could I tell the love of my life that I love him, but turnĀ  around and say the same thing about a small, forgettable item that I’ll get over in the next month? It’s not right and those words can’t be accurate.

Sure, I could have a fond liking for one thing or have a great interest in another, but neither should be comparable to the ones I truly love.

I. Love. You.

It’s enough. It should always be enough.

Days 165-172. I watched as grandpa was commemorated, celebrated, honored, and discussed.

I listened to tales of his life, some stories I’d never heard of and some stories I’d heard so many tines before.

I wept as I saw his casket get ready to be lowered into the ground, the last physical sense of him gone.

It’s so difficult for me to accept that he and grandma are gone. I don’t want it to be true.

I don’t see how I will ever move past this loss.

I know the strength of the Lord is with me. I know he is resting. I know they are together and free.

I don’t want them to be gone.

Days 166-168. Grandpa is in heaven now.

He passed away the night dad told us about his decision to stop treatment. I somehow always knew this would happen, but I didn’t think it would happen in the manner that it did.

When I woke up Thursday morning, I knew. I felt it in my heart before my parents came in and told me. My heart is broken; it has been since that day.

I don’t want to accept it, but I know I have to. I know he is with grandma and they aren’t suffering anymore. I am consoled by this knowledge. But I still miss him. I always will.

I can’t express this grief. There aren’t any words I could use to explain my emotions.

How do I describe the look in his eyes when he saw me after several weeks, and the smile that appeared when I walked up to give him a hug?

How can I put into words the glance and wink he would give me when he was being mischievous and up to no good?

How can I write about the way his hair stood up in several directions, even after me and him both continuously trying to flatten it down?

I miss him in a way that only my heart can yearn for. I won’t ever stop. I’ll never forget him. He is in me and I’ll carry him everywhere I go.

I am my grandfather’s granddaughter.

Days 158-165. Grandpa is dying.

My sweet grandfather. My very first love.

I am lost.

It can happen at any moment. I knew it already. I felt it coming.

As much as I’ve tried to prepare myself, I just cannot accept it yet. But I know I have to.

I know nobody will be on Earth together forever. Death is inevitable. There is no avoiding it.

I am relieved to have said the last words “I love you” to him. That is what is bringing me peace.

For now, I will pray that he is comforted and at peace, that his mind is clear and he may feel God’s presence with him throughout his final days.

He will never fully leave me. He is in my heart and I will carry him wherever I may go.

I cannot describe the feeling that I feel. I am so sad, yet so happy. How can that be put into words?

I miss grandma. I don’t like to think that I will never get to see her again in person. I cry randomly everyday because I can’t contain it.

But then I get comforted by the most incredible man in the world and I am happy. I can’t believe I get to be with him. I can’t believe I am his and he is mine. I love him with all my heart.

More and more each day he becomes the man I want to marry. He is the moon to my sun, the sky to my stars. I’m complete with him.

I never thought in a million years that he could bring me this happiness. I never thought it existed. I never thought I was worthy of it.

I still don’t at times.

But he reminds me that there is love within me, that I am happiness. And that is all the difference between him and the rest of the world.