Archives for posts with tag: Love

Days 166-168. Grandpa is in heaven now.

He passed away the night dad told us about his decision to stop treatment. I somehow always knew this would happen, but I didn’t think it would happen in the manner that it did.

When I woke up Thursday morning, I knew. I felt it in my heart before my parents came in and told me. My heart is broken; it has been since that day.

I don’t want to accept it, but I know I have to. I know he is with grandma and they aren’t suffering anymore. I am consoled by this knowledge. But I still miss him. I always will.

I can’t express this grief. There aren’t any words I could use to explain my emotions.

How do I describe the look in his eyes when he saw me after several weeks, and the smile that appeared when I walked up to give him a hug?

How can I put into words the glance and wink he would give me when he was being mischievous and up to no good?

How can I write about the way his hair stood up in several directions, even after me and him both continuously trying to flatten it down?

I miss him in a way that only my heart can yearn for. I won’t ever stop. I’ll never forget him. He is in me and I’ll carry him everywhere I go.

I am my grandfather’s granddaughter.

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Days 158-165. Grandpa is dying.

My sweet grandfather. My very first love.

I am lost.

It can happen at any moment. I knew it already. I felt it coming.

As much as I’ve tried to prepare myself, I just cannot accept it yet. But I know I have to.

I know nobody will be on Earth together forever. Death is inevitable. There is no avoiding it.

I am relieved to have said the last words “I love you” to him. That is what is bringing me peace.

For now, I will pray that he is comforted and at peace, that his mind is clear and he may feel God’s presence with him throughout his final days.

He will never fully leave me. He is in my heart and I will carry him wherever I may go.

I cannot describe the feeling that I feel. I am so sad, yet so happy. How can that be put into words?

I miss grandma. I don’t like to think that I will never get to see her again in person. I cry randomly everyday because I can’t contain it.

But then I get comforted by the most incredible man in the world and I am happy. I can’t believe I get to be with him. I can’t believe I am his and he is mine. I love him with all my heart.

More and more each day he becomes the man I want to marry. He is the moon to my sun, the sky to my stars. I’m complete with him.

I never thought in a million years that he could bring me this happiness. I never thought it existed. I never thought I was worthy of it.

I still don’t at times.

But he reminds me that there is love within me, that I am happiness. And that is all the difference between him and the rest of the world.

Days 134-137. The New York Times posted a request for 13 word love stories. Here are mine:

Coworkers then friends. Woke up one day and thought, “Crap I like him.”

We laugh at the same jokes. Nobody has ever made me laugh hard.

Same thoughts in mind. I never have to worry about him judging me.

I couldn’t make up my mind. He was patient and waited for me.

I think his mom is so cool. I guess we can get married.

**************************************

I really love this guy. He’s a sweetheart. He’s so good to me and I honestly want to run away. I’m afraid of messing things up. I’m scared that I’ll break his heart.

Sometimes I question whether I really love him or just am using him because he is nice to me. But I know those are my anxieties consuming my mind.

I don’t want to throw this away. But what if I’m not that attracted to him? What if I get tired of him? What if I just want to be on my own?

But then I remember love is a choice. He is choosing to love me as I am. He doesn’t give me up when I have these thoughts. He calms me down when we talk. He reminds me that he will continue to love me everyday, even when it’s hard.

That’s how I know.

Days 132-133.

I have no words to describe the love I have in my heart. God is so good, in the heavens and in the flesh.

Rather than try to explain my emotions, I will share this article that I came across randomly and hope that it touches others in the same way that it touched me right when I needed it.

http://huffp.st/IlyQaHi

 

Days 129-131. I feel like I’m living in a dream! On cloud 9 right now…

I’m in love. Not just any kind of love either; this is a love that I’ve never experienced.

It’s true that each love is different. But sometimes you find a love that is so comfortable and caring and sweet that you can’t really explain it or put it into words.

I love this man.

I don’t know what’s in store for us in the future, but for once in my life I’m not worrying about the future! I’m enjoying the present.

I’m not time traveling. I’m not focusing on things going on at a different time. I’m just happy where I am now.

He cares about me. He thinks of me. He wants me happy. He encourages me to be a nicer and more patient person. He doesn’t rush me into anything. He makes me laugh. He hugs me when I cry.

He loves me.

And I don’t ever want him to let me go.

It’s weird that I am in this spot… I would have never guessed I’d ever be here. Not with him, not in my life. I didn’t believe in this type of love.

And I thank God every waking moment for letting me experience this type of love.

I don’t know where we will end up. I don’t know if I’ll get hurt. But even if I do, I honestly believe it would be worth it.

He is worth it.

I haven’t written in a week! This is the longest I’ve gone without posting.

I’ve been busy falling in love.

He’s amazing.

I’m nervous thinking about him.

I’m scared to get into something knowing the risks.

But I’m still falling.

And I still want to reach that destination with him.

Love is a funny, crazy, incredible thing.